I had the opportunity to be an actor in my school’s haunted house last night. Let me tell you, people are hilarious when they’re scared. Here are some of my favorite quotes of the night.
- This isn’t that ba- OH SWEET BABY JESUS
- Nope, nope, nuh nuh, no way, noooooope
- JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW
- Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of – *SCREAMS*
- THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE TRASH CAN
- Naw man I ain’t holding your hand. Get outta here with that gay ass shit.
- *Unintelligible sobs and screams*
- *SCREAMS* Oh hey, it’s Lauren!
- Can I have a glowstick?
- Aaamaaaazziiinggg graaaaaaace, hooow sweeeet the sooouuund
- WHY DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS?
- Chugga chugga, choo choo the fuck right outta here
- *Hysterically screams and turns the light on while running out*
- LAUREN WHY?
What I learned from all of this? Don’t lay on the ground if you’re an actor in a haunted house. You’ll get kicked quite a few times.