Energy to spare

Today was my first productive day in a long time. Everything I set out to do, I ended up getting done with extra energy left over. It was pretty amazing.

Energy is a great thing to have, but I hate having to pay such a high price for it. I have to be super careful with everything because my immune system’s practically gone compared to how it should be because of Remicade.

Or maybe it was just too crazy before and now it’s at a normal rate.

I just know I have to avoid taking any sort of immune system booster. It’s super confusing, I know. That’s what I used to always add to my smoothies whenever I went to Jamba Juice. I remember one time I took my brother’s smoothie that he got from Smoothie Factory and my tongue started feeling weird. I asked him what was in it and he said just strawberries, bananas, and an immunity booster shot. Since I’m allergic to neither strawberries or bananas, I think it was the immunity booster that caused the reaction.

I’m still not used to all of this. Back when I used to skate, I used to be a tank. I’d fall from whatever jump and I’d roll out of it like I meant for it to happen. I’d just brush the snow off my butt and try again. 

Now everything’s like as if I tripped over my own feet just skating forward. I fall flat on my face because I didn’t expect for it to happen. Falling on the easier things usually make for worse falls. I’m not prepared for any sort of rebound after my body attacking itself.

This analogy is getting weird. I’m gonna stop now. I saw a Tonya Harding documentary on Netflix today, so that explains everything I’m sure.

Anyways, I found melatonin at Walmart today. I got the lowest dose they had, so I’m going to try that tonight. Hopefully getting a sounder sleep will improve my mood. Some days I feel like I’d breathe fire if I could.

That’s probably the steroids talking.

Although, I’m basing a lot of this on how I felt before I got my most recent Remicade infusion. I actually feel great compared to how things were this past month. I probably don’t need it now, but I want to get started on at least some sort of regimen for when I do start feeling badly again.

Some people will probably reprimand me for thinking about the worst possible outcome, but I personally think it will be silly for me not to. I’ve done enough research to know that I have at least one medicine left to try if Remicade doesn’t work. I know that I have a very high chance of this developing into cancer. I could probably even end up with a colostomy bag by my mid 30s. Who knows? I definitely don’t yet.

Even before I was diagnosed, I researched my symptoms and knew I either had Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. I surprised my doctor because when he told me it was ulcerative colitis after my first colonoscopy, I said “I knew it”. I don’t want to be blindsided by this.

Somehow throughout all of this, I’ve successfully avoided scaring myself with WebMD.

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